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Bear Removal in Wisconsin

A man in rural Wisconsin wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean old pit bull.

So goes the neighborhood!

Kevin the Bean Lover

Once upon a time there lived a man named Kevin. Kevin had a passion for baked beans. He loved them, but unfortunately, they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met sweet Debbie and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and gentle girl, she would never go for this kind of carrying on." So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Moral of the Story

A teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day, the kids came to class and one by one told their stories... Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and we have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market...on the front seat of the pick-up...and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying....and broke all over everything. The moral to that story is..."Don't put all of your eggs in one basket." "Very good!" said the teacher.

3 Bad Nuns

There are 3 nuns and a mother superior. The mother superior tells the 3 nuns before they can receive their saint name and that they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad...

After the 3 nuns return, the mother superior says, "Did you commit your sins? They all shake their heads yes. The first 2 nuns are crying, the 3rd is giggling.

Church Humor

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Warning!

An investigation by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, reveals why you are 6200% more likely to be killed by your doctor than by a homicidal shooter. This is based on U.S. government statistics from the Centers for Disease Control, combined with doctor-caused deaths published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

The data shows that FDA-approved prescription drugs kill 290 Americans every single day, meaning that for mass shootings to approach that number, you'd have to see a Colorado Batman movie massacre take place EVERY HOUR of every day, 365 days a year.

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